Saturday, June 12, 2010

A Dog Story

I went and bought coffee this morning and was still half awake when I
came in the studio. My crazy dog got in the cat box last night and ate
a bunch of what she shouldn't have. Sickness ensued from every orifice
of her body during the night. She was covered in the most god awful
mess imaginable this morning, had completely fouled her kennel,
destroyed her bed that I had just put a new cover on yesterday and the
studio smelled something awful. Irony of it all is she is leaving in
the morning for a new home. I have a friend who has another yellow Lab
that needs a companion, so I gave her to him and I wanted her to have
a nice bed for her new place. I guess this was my grand send off.

Anywhoooo.... I was dragging the kennel and bed out, washing the
floor, moaning about her for getting in the cat box and then yelling
at her as she was getting back into the cat box munching away while I
was cleaning up. Of course, she seems to care less and more yelling
ensues as she is chasing the cats who are freaking out at this point.
So I get the kennel outside, washed and clean, take a deep breath and
go back inside to take her outside for a walk only to find she has
taken another dump in my office....under my desk. Jesus, not again!
Cursing ensued very loudly this time. The smell was so thick I was
turning green.

Now keep in mind all the while this little drama is unfolding my cell
phone is in my pocket just dialing away, going down my contact
list...nice, really nice. With all the cursing, yelling, dog washing,
bending over, dragging and mopping the speed dial button is getting
pushed over and over. I think it called about 20 people multiple
times, some as many as 10 times. A friend called to check and make
sure I was alright after receiving numerous calls with muffled yelling
and cursing in the background. He told me to check my recent call
list. When I did and saw who got called, I burst out laughing. It was
a long list, a very long list. Great, just great.

Those called were close friends, other artists, band managers, merch
companies, label execs, various band members, accountants, lawyers,
etc., etc. God help me if one of them had an answering machine that
recorded any part of the episode. I might be the next viral hit on the
net or end up some DJ remix.

The studio now wreaks of lysol and doggy foulness. There are 10 sticks
of incense burning, 3 fans going wide open, it's already 82 degrees
here with a humidity of 80%. I'm sitting here writing all the folks
who got speed dialed explaining myself losing my composure.
It's been a crappy morning, literally. Now all I can do is sit here
and laugh at myself and relate the story to all of you.

And that cup of coffee I paid 4 bucks for, is cold.

Now have a good laugh and revel in my pain with a smile on your face.
I'm going for more coffee.


  1. I can't believe there are no comments! I almost peed myself laughing!!


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